Author: IBM

Shaping Up

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I really need to get off the couch. I need to lose weight, get more active and tone up a little, drink less alcohol.

I really need to lose about eighty pounds, to get down to a healthy, slim BMI. I’m not really worried about how I look but more about the health aspects and also that it will make me feel more energetic.

I read quite a lot about how alcohol is bad for you, and also people’s stories about giving it up and going sober. I’m not planning to become teetotal, although I will be the first to admit that I can’t tolerate it a swell as I once could.

Back in the day, though, I would go out and drink entirely too much, only stopping when I ran out of time, money or I exhausted the bartender’s patience in some way. Now, I can have just a few beers and still feel decidedly sluggish in the morning.

I actively make myself alcohol free days now. I don’t drop into the pub every day on the way home, and I don’t usually drink very much indoors

Coffee Time

Kathy and I have started a fasting regime. It’s working, albeit slowly. It’s not a quick-fix diet, but more of a lifestyle change. We don’t eat after dinner in the evening. Also, we can only drink water, black coffee or green tea. It does save eating crisps, nuts, cookies and the once-upon-a-time ten o’clock sandwich(es).I know I’m eating less calories. Also not having any alcohol in the evenings must be beneficial and again, it saves a bucketload of calories.

Can we keep it up? I’m sure there will be little slip-ups along the way. We can be flexible, so if we do go out and eat in the even ing, it means we can’t eat until the following afternoon, to get the hours of fasting in.

The one big change we need to make now, and which will the most difficult to keep up is the exercise. Being a couch potato is so easy, and it’s also relaxing for both of us when we’ve had an early morning start and/or been on our feet all day. 10,000 steps, here we come.

How Santa Met His End

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There are about 2 billion children of the age 18 or below in the world, but since Santa Claus will ignore those believing in Islam, Hinduism, Judaism and Buddhism (except Japan), therefore according to the data from Census, the workload of Santa Claus includes only 15% of all the children, i.e. 378 million. According to statistics, there are on average 3.5 children in each family, so if we assume that there is at least one good child in each family, then Santa Claus has to go to 108 million families.

Thanks to the self rotation of the earth and different time zones, if Santa Claus starts his journey from the East, and goes along to the West, then he would have around 31 hours of Christmas to finish his job. In this period, he must visit 967.7 families per second, i.e., putting the gifts in the stockings, placing the remaining gifts under the Christmas Tree, climbing up the chimney, jumping on to the sleigh and depart for the next family.

For simplicity, let us assume that the 108 million families are evenly distributed on the surface of the earth. Then, the average distance between 2 families are about 780m, and the whole journey is as long as 75,500,000km, and this doesn’t include taking rests and going to bathroom. Therefore the Santa Claus’s Sleigh needs to travel in a speed of at least 650km/s, about 3000 times the speed of sound. Comparatively, the fastest ever artificially accelerated solar probe – Ulysses, travels at a sluggish speed of 27.4km/s only. Superman can fly at 1km/s. An ordinary reindeer at most can just run at 15km/h.

There is another issue about loading. Assume that the gift that each child receives is just an ordinary Lego package (about 2 lb), then merely the gifts will consist of 500,000 tons. On earth, an ordinary reindeer can pull a weight of 300 lb. Assume that a flying reindeer has 10 times the power of an ordinary one, then Santa Claus still requires 360,000 flying reindeers to transport the gifts. But the total weight of 360,000 flying reindeers itself weights over 54000 tons, together with a sleigh that can afford such a weight of loading, this makes the total weight over 600,000 tons. This is about the weight of 30 Godzilla, or 78 Queen Elizabeth Ocean Liner.

Similar to a space shuttle traveling back to earth, an object of 600,000 tons traveling at a speed of 650km/s in the atmosphere will have friction with the air and generate heat. The 2 reindeers in the front of the group will absorb 1.43 x 10^19 Joule energy per second, this make the poor reindeers explode in an instance, and the power will involve all the other reindeers behind and all of them will explode into ashes. Furthermore, the Ultrasonic wave pulse generated by traveling at 3000 times the speed of sound will destroy all the troop of reindeers, the sleigh and the gifts, everything will dissipate into thin air in the period of 0.00426 second, this is exactly when Santa Claus reaches the 5th family.

However, all of the above are not important anyway. This is because when Santa Claus accelerated from rest to 650km/s in a period of 0.001 second, (recall that Santa Claus need to visit about 1000 families in 1 second) he must withstand 17,500G of gravitational acceleration. Even if Santa Claus is as slim as 250 lb only, he will still be crushed onto the backseat of the sleigh by 4,315,015 lb of pressure acting on him, crushing his organs and skeleton in an instance, leaving only a mince of meat.

Therefore, if there were Santa Claus, he would be dead.

THe ANgel On THE TRee

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Not long ago and not far away Santa was getting ready for his annual trip…but there were problems everywhere… four of the elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule….then Mrs Claus told Santa that her mum was coming to visit.

This stressed Santa even more…when he went to harness the reindeer he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out heaven knows where…more stress.

And then, when he began to load the sleigh, one of the boards on the sleigh cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered all the toys…so, frustrated Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey…but he found that the elves had hit the liquor cupboard and there was nothing there to drink…and in his frustration, he dropped the coffee pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor… he went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw it was made from.

Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door ..he opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. And the angel said: Santa, where would you like to put this Christmas tree??

And that, my friends, is how the little angel came to be on top of the Christmas tree…